if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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