Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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