I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
