i barfeds in our rink
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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