he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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