Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
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Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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