She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
