The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
