shes about as inviting as chlamydia
zippers are such a cool invention
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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