Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
