Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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