So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
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i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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