google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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