I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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