true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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