Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
