if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
