U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
