He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
