Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
