I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize