Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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