fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
