what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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