I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
