FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
