So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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