I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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