Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
