saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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