So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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