Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
