You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
