That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
