I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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