I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
