ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
