so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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