So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
