is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
