when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
