Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
