Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
