as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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