Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
