My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Two words: nipple clamps
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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