I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
