apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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