he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
