so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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