i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
