Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Houston, we have a squirter
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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