put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
