The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
