I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
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and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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