All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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