This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
