I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
