Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize