my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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