so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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