just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
