I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
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He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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