VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
