I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
