I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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