I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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