theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
