I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think a kid would responsible me up
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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