I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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