Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
