jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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