he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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