They should really pass out barf bags in church
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
