they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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