btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize